Some of the questions gay, lesbian and bi-sexual young people have asked us 

Am I gay or bisexual?

Do you have strong feelings for people who are the same sex as you?
Feelings of friendship or love? 
Sexual feelings? 
You might want to call yourself gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender now.
Or wait to see how you develop.
That’s fine.
It doesn’t matter what you call yourself as long as you understand that being attracted to anyone is perfectly OK.

You might be wondering why you have these feelings. It’s nothing to do with how you brought up. It’s nothing to do with anything you’ve done  or didn’t do. Or anything that anyone’s done to you. It might be that people are just born gay, lesbian or bisexual.

Lots of young people often have questions about their feelings towards their own sex. But you’ll only know with time if having these feelings will continue to be a part of your life.
Having accepted that you have these feelings, you might want to know where to go from here.

Am I the only one?

If you realise you are gay, lesbian or bisexual, then you’re in good company. 
There are hundreds of thousands of others who are too. 
Asian, Black, White. People of all races, religions and cultures, doing any job you can think of.
You may know yourself of some famous actors, pop stars, sportsmen and politicians who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender - who are happy, successful and proud of who they are.

So you’re not on your own. 
If there’s anything you feel the need to talk to someone about, there are help lines and groups like OUTREACH youth willing to listen. 
You can talk to someone who’ll understand.

Should I tell people?

It’s up to you who you tell about your feelings. You’ll know best when to say anything and who to talk to. You don’t have to tell anyone. 
But if you realise you’re gay or bisexual and you tell people, it’s often called ‘coming out’.

Telling friends

It can be a difficult thing to do but it often gets easier the more you do it. Afterwards it can be a big relief.
- Young people can be more understanding of gay, lesbian and bisexual people.
- A lot of people find it easier to tell a female friend how they feel.
- Old friends can be easier to tell once you’ve already made new friends who   understand you.
- You might lose some friends - they may be prejudiced of frightened of being labeled ‘gay, lesbian or bisexual’ themselves.
- But some friends might be proud that you chose to tell them.
- And true friends will stick by you whatever.

Telling your family

Only you will know whether you want to tell your family about your feelings.
It’s a big step, but it can be well worth taking
- Mums are often easier to tell than dads
- The news might shock your family
- Or they might have thought about it already
- They might be fine about it
- With time, families often get used to the idea
- You can tell people in a letter if that’s easier
- You might want to wait until you don’t rely on your family for somewhere to live or to support you financially
- There are Projects like OUTREACH youth and help lines you can talk to about telling your family

I don't find school easy

If you’re still at school you’ll have a good idea of what can happen if people find out someone’s gay. You’ll know how safe it is to tell others at school.
- You could approach a sympathetic teacher or youth worker  if you find yourself being bullied or needing help
- Many people decide to wait until they leave school when it gets easier to do what they want to do
- OUTREACH youth and other groups are there to offer you support
- If you’re being bullied because of your sexuality, OUTREACH youth will know about what action you can take to make it stop
- After school you may go on to further education or start work. Moving away from home might make it easier to make a new start. Many colleges and universities have gay and bisexual social groups. These are a good way of meeting people.
- If you’re at work, only you’ll know if coming out is right for you and who you might tell. Not everyone at work will be open-minded and accepting.

How can I meet other young gay , lesbian and bi-sexual people?

Here are some ways to make contact with gay, lesbian and bisexual people:
- Buying a gay magazine
- Calling a  gay help line. They’ll give you details of places and social groups in your area for gay and bisexual people.
- Gay and bi-sexual youth groups, like OUTREACH youth are just like regular youth groups, a good way of meeting people like yourself.
- Some people use gay chat lines- expensive to use and it’ll show up on your phone bill that you’ve been phoning them (and be careful if arranging to meet strangers!)
- Using the Internet (but again be careful if arranging to meet strangers!).
- Making contact with other people might not work out as you want first time round, but keep trying until you meet people you feel comfortable with.

I only see white gay people

People in the gay communities come from many cultural backgrounds. If you are from an minority ethnic community, you may find the same prejudices in the gay world as you do elsewhere.
Social groups and help lines exist for people from minority ethnic communities, including those for Black, Asian and Jewish people.
Although attitudes are changing, if you decide you’re bisexual you may experience prejudice from gay people. If you need to, you can talk to someone from a bisexual help line and  there are some bisexual support groups.

I feel lonely

Once you meet other gay people you might have different sorts of relationships. You’ll find having friends important. Perhaps you’ll also have partners. 
But being single is OK and not having sex is OK too. 
If you want to, you can choose to be part of a larger gay and bisexual community as well.
If you find a partner, remember safer sex. Many men, in particular, become infected with HIV in relationships because they are in love and have unsafe sex without thinking about the risks. 
Love is no protection against HIV - but safer sex is.

What about my future?

If you decide you are gay, lesbian or bisexual, you can be sure of a lot of support. Hundreds of thousands of people are showing that you can be gay and have a very happy, healthy and successful life.
Your sexuality is just a part of who you are.
But it’s a part of you that can bring lots of positive experiences and great people into your life!


 Adapted from 'True Colours', Terrence Higgins Trust